ok, now you know... well, you know if you want to know and if you have not already figured it out... I mean who I am (or at least who I appear to be in words on the web)... yes, as I probably have alluded and maybe even mentioned indirectly, this is not my first DLand diary... in fact, it is my fourth, I think... the others shall be mentioned and linked here when they are mentioned for some reason (as the LJ journal was mentioned and linked yesterday... yes, I have a few of those too)... but all these public sites are recent developments for me as I've been rambling in a journal on my own site since the mid-nineties (though much of the nineties writings were lost in the great dotcom consumption of the last millenium when mosy little start up companies were swallowed hole or simply erased by bigger fish, but then, I'm starting to get used to writing for the moment and not attaching any possessive or lasting value to the words for many words have been lost along the way... be careful who you trust and all that jazz)...

anyway, the link is now on the left if you really want to know me (or are just curious and have time... a lot of time... you'll see what I mean if you head over there and that is just an entrance to the personal part of my web world... want more?)... so I have a creative heart diary and a deep thought diary and a sensual feeling diary and a semi-creative daily life journal and a mostly dead journal and another journal still waiting for words to be uploaded when I find time to sort through emails and edit them and still more... if you just want to see the majority of my diary/journal writing, you should click on the journals link on the page you find when you click on the you want to know me? link over there on the left... so now you know...

and what do you know? (I really really really want to know)...

I am currently writing an email to someone who used to know me inside out and backwards and forwards and in ways I'd rather not think about too often and in it I find myself introducing my web world (I think in some sort of chronological order)... I don't know if that is going to become an entry here or another place in my web world, but it seems to feel like something that will be near the entrance (like a historical tour guide) and when it is completed I'll include a link here for those of you clever and patient enough to find it...

today I am munching on some carrots, rather loudly, I think, but nobody's around except the cats so it's ok... they seem awfully interested... I wonder if they have food... stop wondering and leave them for their dad... ok, so except for last weekend, when I succumbed to Rasputin's evil influences and ate pizza and wings, I've eaten nothing but vegetables and a few cans of tuna fish... is tuna fish redundant?... I mean, isn't it kind of like saying poodle dog or Chevy car or gynocologist doctor?... I suppose some redundancies are a regular part of language, huh?... like scarlet red or lemon yellow or orange orange... I wonder if it all comes from the crayons and breakfast cereals we ate as kids... the redundancy in languange, I mean...

anyway, the nonchalent don't-think-about-it diet continues along it's merry way... in fact, it faced a test tonight at work and passed with flying colors... yes, one of my co-workers, the innocently seductive one, brought in Candbury chocolate that she got all the way from England... yes, real Cadbury chocolate... the chocoholic in me thought we died and went to Candbury heaven... but another stronger voice (and few voices are stronger than the chocoholic) said no and stuck to it and to my utter amazement I didn't even take a piece home when it was offered... amazing things happen every night at that job, huh?...

carrots are good...

there's a party being thrown by someone from work tomorrow night... I have not attended any work-people parties in the few years I've been working at this place... it is a psychiatric hospital and school, after all... strange people work at psychiatric hospitals, ya know?... I am thinking of going... few people there have seen me with my hair down (I mean the hair on my head... it's long and I usually stick it in a pony tail while at work) and it usually shocks people when I don't gel and pony-tail it because it can be wild and crazy... yes, I have wild and crazy hair (I am imaginaing a Saturday Night Live commercial thaat was never written but could have been based on an recurring SNL bit that was... who's following me on this one?)... anyway, it should be interesting to see these people outside of the work environment for a change (and vice versa)...

the carrots are all gone... I just tipped the bowl to check... I probably should not have more carrots as shrinking the stomach (I am mostly stomach) is a primary goal of this so-called diet I am on... I was berated rather sternly by one of my co-workers for fasting yesterday... it's nice to know they care, but I've got my reasons (and I may think about them over in the mostly dead journal since that is where this sort of physical world body thinking is supposed to be done... it's so nice to have a compartmentalized brain... mostly cuz it's fun to break all the rules I make for my writings... I never was into following rules, so making rules so I can break them is perfect for the rebel in me... better than other trouble I could get into...

for those of you seeking a/s/l info and pictures, you will have to dig through the old journal for that, at least until I find a digital camera and am in the mood... my cameras were left in various places, like Toronto, and I haven't had the extra cash to splurge on a digital one yet and besides, I have not been in a photogenic mood for a while... I used to love photography... used to have several 35mm cameras, manual and automatic, all sorts of lenses and extra equiptment... I used to have a whole lot opf expensive toys... anyway, I've done weddings and bridal showers and birthdays and other parties when I was taking photography more seriously... but about a/s/l and the superficial data most people based their life decisions on, I don't... and I don't want to encourage you to, so I don't make it easy for you to find my a/s/l... love me or hate me for who I am, read the words, learn about me and dig deep and don't base your decision to read me or not or be my friend or not on some numbers or superficial data that means nothing on the web... grow out of that need to make snap judgments based on book covers, read the book...

that is my public service announcement for today... there won't be one every day, just now and then when I feel like it... hope you don't mind, but if you do, skip it...

so I just got home from work and this is another day off and I have, in the back of my mind, a zillion things I absolutely should do... I seldom do as I should though, but I would like to get back to responding to Toronto... shall that be her name for this diary?... perhaps, but another name is bound to rise as most everybody I mention eventually has two names... like Sally Rasputin, my current roommate... one of these days there'll be a cast page, when I orgainze those brain cells... most of my brain cells are strictly against organization and they've even formed a union to demand contractually obligations that ban too much organization... yes, I realize that they had to organize to form the union, but it's a rather scatter-brained union...

what?... your brain cells don't have minds of their own?...

I'll have to try to check back to my old journal to find a cast list or else everybody will wind up with new millenium names... maybe that is as it should be... we must protect the innocent and scaredy-cats, after all... and besides, I respect privacy... everybody else's, at least... I have rarely found a need for privacy for myself... I never saw the point...

I have toyed with the idea of starting a diary that has no connection to any of my current diaries or journals or web sites just to see if that would attract any attention, but then, it's not like I am overwhelmed by the throngs of incessant fans here or anywhere... the few of you who do follow me around the web and my blessings and make being in this world much more meaningful than it would be if I just wrote for the moment for nothing and no one... but then, when I think of all the lost words, maybe that is what life is all about... the unknown writer, like everything else, turns to dust in the end...

but what comes from the dust?... well, with a little water and seed, carrots!... yes, carrots are good, a fine colorful distraction and something to keep my mouth occupied when I am relatively celebate and do not have a kissing partner around all the time... I am oral, how are you?... have a carrot?

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)