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2005-10-01 - 3:09 p.m. browsing without writing (part 1) I've been browsing for hours... and mostly, just browsing... not really writing, that is, not flowing into words as I usually do... just making some notes... if you know what I mean... still, this is a browsing entry... and I know I should actually put my browsing entries in my browsing diary and not just cuz that might motivate you to use your browsing diary but also because then this diary might not be so full of entries so frequently uploaded that so much of what is written here is missed by so many of you out there and therefore the whole point of sharing my life in black and white with as many people as possible is undermined by my not using my other writing places... thing is, I've been browsing for hours and have nothing actually written (just scribbles on the blackboard of my mind)... sometimes that happens when I am bummed about something, feeling hopeless or helpless or otherwise engaged by an internal pity party that even the peanut gallery can not laugh at... I don't think that's the case this time... sometimes that happens when I am distracted by a series of unfortunate events or just life in general and while that has been the overall circumstance in this life in the last couple of months, it's not the cause for the lack of words today... either... sometimes that happens when I am way overtired and burnt out on excessive doses of caffeine and sugar and mediocre to poor dietary habits extended over a period of a week or more... there's some of that in this, but I dunno... I am feeling lonely and face the facts that I am a fish without a bicycle and I really live to ride, so I am at a loss for primary purpose at my core and when facing such a situation one can either throw that pity party or stick one's thumb up in the air and hope someone stops, preferably not the Vogon... in the event that neither occurs, sometimes the best one can do is distract the mind from the loneliness pounding on the heart like a sixteen ton mallet and that is where you, dear readers and other internet folk, come in... you remind me to focus outside of myself... hence, the browsing without writing... I do want to share, as you should know by now, everything... sometimes I forget how... here, as all we have are words, when I forget how, there's literary silence... or perhaps senseless nonsense, as opposed to nonsense with depths that fool you into believing it's just senseless nonsense, if you know what I mean... and if you don't well, there's probably a pill for that too... anyway, I love this idea (here's another example), but don't see myself doing it any time soon because I'd rather do it as a relationship goals idea where we (me and my the one person) list the things we'd like to do together... and besides, I am not exactly in a deeply introspective writing mood because of the mallet and bicycle-less nature of my current experience and acute awareness thereof at this moment in time... but what I really want to know is... is understanding happening here?... meanwhile, while you ponder the potential answers and ramifications of answering that question in public and/or private, I'll move along to the next distraction that actually might have motivated me to scratch a few words into my odd and ambivalent darkness... of course being that I've been under a rock or something, but dangerspouse snuck a couple of entries in while I was doing other things... he's not really Don Imus, no matter what anyone says, and he's not Howard Stern either... in fact, as the Clinton (no, not Bill either), NJ officers of the law are well unaware, he doesn't even go by his own name on the air... a few people may actually know his name now, as opposed to 1994 when apparently nobody did, but not his real name... that's a secret identity nobody knows, not even him, until he gets pulled over on that 8 mile stretch of highway and is forced to take a look at his license to drive and he goes, oh yeah, that's me... he's not Rush Limbaugh either, by the way... and being that he started his radio career just about the year I left the belly button of NYC, I did not have the pleasure of hearing him do his radio thing, even if it is the biggest thing since sliced bread... obviously I would have stayed in NYC had I known it was about to get the voice spectacular that enhanced the cutural bowels of the only city on the planet like itself... and not to move on from the subject of one of the best writers diaryland has to offer, contrary to what you might see on his favorites list, I am one of his favorite favorites, I just nobly gave up my spot on his coveted list for hissy (who thankfully has another entry up and it is, as usual, long and winding and taunting me to make time to read it {hopefully this weekend} with more than a cursory eye which means it remains open on the desktop {two days now} hoping the browser doesn't crash again) so she would not throw another fit about not being listed there... ah, the sacrifices one makes for beautiful women... I'll speak more about beautiful women when I make time to actually read the depths and wonders of her entry... but while we're on the subject... mow here we have classics... I mean music classics... I actually have (in some cases had) the original vinyl recordings of some of the songs in that two CD collection that kneedeep discovered (or did she create it?)... remind me to check her out again (and again)... and when all else fails, when silence swallows us and we don't know what to do, when everything just stares back at us like the empty white box that begs to be our next diary entry... or something like that...
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