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�2006 Candor Communications


2006-02-10 - 6:47 p.m.

the best blonde joke ever (and religion and potlitics too)


this is a serious entry... eventually... but as the title suggests, it's not all serious... in fact, it probably bites the serious right out of the stuffed shirt, so sit back, relax, and prepared for anything...

we shall start this entry with the google blog, though I have no idea why except that it's the next link in the scribble files... I have no recollection of just what the google blog might be... we can guess that it's maybe a blog by googler, in this case googlers being those who work at google... it is, from what I hear, a pretty amazing company and they are coming up with all sorts of interesting things to do other than search the web when you go to their site... in fact, maybe I want to find a site map of goggle and see all the latest toys to play with...

yes, it does seem to be what I thought...

of course in January there was just one post and it purports to present the the best blonde joke ever (with hugs for blondes for joining in this)... of course it could be that this is the best blonde joke ever, even though it may be the same joke...

get it?...

before I get rolling into full steam ahead babble I'd like to state unequivocally that I love blondes and some of the most intelligent, witty, clever people I've ever known were blonde... natural blondes (I checked)... that doesn't stop me from laughing though... call it the best dumb joke ever if it feels better...

and remember to check out Rockin! (wouldja look at that {of course you can't, I corrected the typo}... I wrote Rickin! at first... of course that couldn't have been an ego slip, I don't spell my name with a K, after all)...

yeah, well, aherm and all that good throat clearing ceiling staring whistling stuff, you ought to go see the latest escapades of that lovable cast of characters wandering through their confused lives, all meaning well, I'm sure, but screwing and hitting, and shooting and doing all sorts of nasties to each other and any innocent bystander... no worries, the audience (readers) are safe... at least so far...

and now, for the deep heavy introspective potentially depressing segment of our daily entry, I found reflection in the scribble files that could inspire a journey through the lands of the mostly dead, but I am scatterbrained enough to simply drop the bomb and let it tick for some other time, leaving this as just one more facet of the typical multifaceted entries I lay on you here...

sweet...

if I ever use wordpress, I want to remember this info, so I am including it here because someday I hope to find a program that will pull all the links out of an entire website (eliminating the duplicates and even tallying how many times a specific link or root website was linked or duplicated... yeah, I love me my stats... wonder why I never got hooked up with one of those high-falooting stat sites that give detailed reports of all the activity that happens on a site... laziness, not enough time, don't think it's worth paying for, and who knows, I've got my reasons for everything even if I don't always let myself know, you know?... if you answered yes to that rhetorical tag question, well then, if you know, then why don't you tell me?... probably the same reason use DLand instead of exploring one of the journal programs on my own domain) and then actually find the time to explore them all (preferably with the one I love... yes, I hope to cyber stroll through yesterday, today, and tomorrow online as well as offline when I finally find that partner I am without today... it's part of the package)...

all that just to remember a website... aren't I in a babbling mood tonight (and why should this night be any different than any other night?... what is this, Passover?... or is that another holiday... apologies to those of the Jewish persuasion for my faulty memory... and pondering that particular phrase {Jewish persuasion}, just who was it the Jews were supposed to be persuading, anyway?... seems to me Jews didn't do much, if any persuading)... maybe I need to go to Jew School...

persuading is more the Christian thing, proselytizing and spreading the word and converting and all... it's not like the whole world is going around wearing those little beanies on their heads, or even being asked to, no less being threatened with eternal damnation if they don't...

now Christian persuasion, that phrase I understand becoming part of the language (though I'll take Crystal Blue Persuasion, personally)... but just who did the Jews ever persuade?... must be some sort of conspiracy... a conundrum... a puzzle... wonder if there's a final solution to this puzzle)...

that was bad (even if you didn't get the truly bad badness of the final reference)... I suppose I should offer further apologies to those of the Jewish persuasion, even if they are not very persuasive... baruch atoh ah,dontknow any more... I wrote an entire entry about Jews one day based on a link I found that lead to an essay about a Jewish writer or organization, protesting google (wow, how these thoughts blend together in the recesses of my memory) because some anti-Jew site popped up first when searching for the word Jew at google... like that is somehow google's responsibility, no less fault...

in a nutshell, the prevailing thought that made sense to me was that most pro-Jewish sites do not use the word Jew much because the shortened version of the word has negative connotations from way back (World War Two still haunts the Jews, and rightly so, I suppose), just like the word Jap might still have some negative connotations for those of the Japanese persuasion (now there's a persuasive people, what with the transistor and all)...

so I decided that if I used the word Jew often enough in an entry I might usurp that anti-Jew page and help out those protesters without condemning google as evil do-ers for not banning the site... yes, that protesting group wanted the site banned... so I suppose the Jews do try some persuasion now and then...

if this happens to be your first visit here (especially if this happens to be your first visit here because of the word Jew... or Jap or any other word I might throw in here... feel free to throw stones, but I suggest you accept me as the tongue-in-cheek irreverent babbler that I am... I have no sacred cows out here in this babble-land behind the candoor...

I write about anything and everything and play with words and ideas as much, if not more than I actually explore them seriously (and that's a lot cuz I do occasionally explore ideas seriously, believe it or not... it's usually buried deep within the irreverent babble and often missed because of the silliness I find in language {and in my head} most of the time, but it does happen... seriousness, that is)...

in any case, you make of the words what you will (like I am pretty sure the Talmud said, something like "we do not see things as they are as much as we are", which most Jews might not even know cuz Jews are just like everybody else... I mean, how many Christians can actually quote the original text that turned into the Bible?... but that's another discussion for another time, like, I suppose when Jesus Christ Superstar influences an entry... I only want to say...) and I can only hope (which I do) that you will find the positivity and amusement I find... that's my intention, after all, cuz words just wanna have fun, yeah, words just wanna have fun (that's all they wanna...), but we all know what Robin Hood's advisor said about intentions, don't we?...

well, maybe you forgot... it went something like "there are no perfect people, only perfect intentions"... almost as profound as the Talmud... well, at least in my mind... that is where I live, after all... my mind, not the Talmud or Sherwood Forest... but you know that, right?...

so where were we?...

ah yes, playing with the concept of those who take words too seriously, perhaps... the concept, mind you, I'd never actually play with real human heads, after all... and no offense to any particular religious or secular group, but you ought to know by now that words are just a means to an end and more often an escape from that end, rather than a way to get there?...

I don't mean heaven, by the way...

the end I am referring to is living a good life, actualizing the love word you used and abuse and confuse and refuse so often, it's a wonder you have any sense at all (do you?)... the love your neighbor words are not just a pretty statement or even a nice dream and they sure are no ticket to your heaven... the ticket to peace and what you might call salvation is found in deeds, not in words... pray all you like, but accountability is what did you do?, not what did you mean to do? or what did you say you were going to do?...

no perfect people, only perfect intentions, remember?... but that is not a free pass to be weak and irresponsible... the meek might inherit something, sure, but being meek is not being weak or irresponsible... at least not in my dictionary... how about your dictionary?... you do have a dictionary, don't you?... how else could you possibly communicate in words?... assume everyone knows what you mean?... well that would surely be the epitome of the word assume, wouldn't it?...

isn't that special...

and (yes, another aside) if you don't know that I will do this, then it is altogether possible that you don't read me often enough to read this entry without raising your eyebrows or even getting offended, agitated, ticked off, or even angry... take a chill pill before you judge me based on words and before you judge this diary based on a single entry... or don't it's your heart you'll be stressing out... but since I care, I figured I'd give you the heads up...

and now back to our regularly unscheduled ramble about whatever might pop into my head at any given moment...

and meticulously frivolous word play...

the original entry about the Jews was actually lost somewhere along the way and not at all like this one (I did a George Carlin with the seven most heinous racial and ethic words you should never use on a NYC subway, the hell with on TV... it kind of made the word Jew seem like a compliment by the end of that ramble), but then, this entry did not begin with the article on the Jew-screwing that some Jews were accusing google of doing... yes, they actually accused google of being anti-Semitic... religion really goes bad when paranoid takes over... as does the race card, but let's not risk offending anyone on racial issues as this entry is probably offensive enough tot he narrow minded on religious grounds...

are religious grounds grounds that were blessed?...

I wonder if that would make the coffee better around here...

Jews are ok by me, as religious folk go... I spent my original childhood (as opposed to my second childhood, third, fourth, and so on... I think I am somewhere between my fourteenth and fifteenth at the moment, unless we count every day as waking up reborn, which I usually do, in which case it would be in the thousands) in NYC where Jews abound (as do Italians, Irish, and people off all sorts of different ethnicities, races, religions, and cultural backgrounds... hmmmm, there's that word grounds again) and of the thousands of Jews I met, some being among my adopted parentage and family, not one ever tried to coerce me into believing or following the Jewish ways... except when I went to eat at a really religious Jew's house and had to know which plates and silverware to use for meat and dairy, but they kept different sets of everything in different cupboards in the kitchen so it wasn't difficult at all... seemed they were quite sanitary and that I liked...

or that time I got Bar-Mitzvah-ed...

yes, I was even called Jewish for a while, at least by one family... so humanly (as opposed to naturally), I got called Jew-boy by some others... and Wop when I was passing for an Italian bachalagoop... I never got called a Mickey, but then I didn't have the name Candor back then... though I was so into Disney as a kid I'd have probably loved that particular ethnic slur, laughing in my mind as I pictured myself with Mickey Mouse ears (or even pulling them out of my pocket, putting them on, and saying something Mockey-like {errr, Mickey-like} in a Mickey voice... or maybe I meant Mickey-like in a mocking voice... probably would have gotten beaten up for that if I did it in a crowd of Mickey-haters... or mocking-haters, for that matter...

so anyway, try not to let words drive you nuts... especially the word hate because you do not need to reflect or take the hate into you (that'll hurt you and you don't want to hurt yourself, right?) just because others are hating around you (or even at you)... if I write I hate Jews or I hate Japs or I hate Janes or I hate politicians or I hate religion or I hate niggers or even I hate God, don't get your panties all knotted up... I don't hate your panties, after all (especially not if they are cotton or a mild cotton blend, but this is not about panties, is it?... shame, huh?)...

it's about words and how we empower them...

take Hitler's words, for instance... German's (and others) empowered them as love for Germany, love for the German people, patriotic and nationalistic and just what they needed to hear at their lowest moments as a culture... I bet if George Bush said some of Hitler's words to the American people, they'd go over great (he probably has, though not intending to quote the little dictator... anybody into comparative speech analysis?)...

Hitler was, after all, all about protecting the homeland, protecting the way of life, restoring the faith and strength in the people and the nation he professed to love so dearly... and boldly leading the world into a new era of peace and righteousness (or is that reichiousness) by sending troops into other countries that he convinced us need help to get back on the right path, govern themselves properly, and be rebuilt in his nation's image...

it is context that gives words their meaning for you...

grammaticians in years to come will ponder whether I intentionally switch tenses in mid-sentence (if anything I ever write could be called a sentence) and most of the time I will allow the pondering without response, but the answer is yes, I do...

but we were not rambling on about my madness just now...

I don't agree with Hitler's way any more than I agree with Bush's way (and they are the same way no matter which side you are on, no matter how the semantics and propaganda may fool you... they didn't start out with genocide in mind, after all, it took him and his paranoid advisors to come up with that master plan and final solution... who knows what Bush and his advisors might cook up given the power that Hitler was given...

we can find out... just give him the Patriot Act and Line Item Veto and all the other powers Bush wants so dearly... he's already broken the law with illegal wiretaps, so who's to say he won't break a few more laws in his paranoid and supposedly moral quest for purification of the human race? (or is that refinement of crude oil?)... his mandate does come from his God, after all...

this is not some democrat or republican or any such party line, I am just not happy when any leader starts acting like a dictator under the guise of protecting freedom and I was hoping that world conquest madness went out with Hitler... I sincerely hope that anyone who decides he or she knows what is best for all the people of the world and gains enough power to use military force to bomb and torture people into submitting to his way meets the same end Hitler met...

I wonder how Bush feels about the Jews...

I laugh, and yet I shudder at my next thought... I hope that history will not record that the Arabs were Bush's Jews...

keep an eye out for catch phrases like The Arab Problem, because with his paranoid rhetoric about Iran lately, he certainly seems to have some sort of Master Plan for the oil-rich land of Islam and it's people... of course I am hoping that is just a whiff of my paranoid... it sure does stink, whatever it is...

not for nothing, but you've probably heard the that thou shalt not steal... but do you that The Bible is among the most stolen books?... oh, the irony...

enough about religion and politics, onward through the scribble files we go for the next entry (in progress, of course)... we've not automated fully yet, so click NEXT (below) to move along... eventually we hope to install eye reader software that will read the position of your eye on the page so when your eye reaches the last word, the page will automatically turn to the next page if there is a next page... sophisticated technology, we'll call it... in fact, that's the name of the company we'll start up to create the software and hardware that'll do it... I suppose I ought to copyright the patent or something, registered to me and the peanut gallery in my mind... consider the idea officially copywritten right now, you're all witnesses... hopefully you'll have something suitable to wear when you're called to court...

I wouldn't want much, being existential and all, though my ego would like credit for the concept and my wallet would like a percentage of the gross sales for said concept and the publicity I've already started giving the would be product... creative input would also be very much appreciated (and desired), but I suppose we could settle for the rights to the idea for a substantial one time payment, if such funds are available...

Bill, are you listening?...

of course George's people might want to explore the technology behind the ability to read the position of your eyes from your computer as such remote viewing would have profound military applications and we know anyone in George's position has to take it up the kishka from the military industrial complex in order to survive... I suppose the porn industry might be interested as well...

hopefully we can get a few Jews to manage the business... some blondes for public relations... and maybe an Irish guy or two to keep it financially tight, if we can keep them sober long enough...

are those your panties in the corner?...

and is that a blonde hair I see?...

ROCKIN!






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