LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
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o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

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ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


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THE FAILURE


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(202) 456-1111

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(202) 224-3121

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FAT MAN WALKING
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FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
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itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2003-12-18 - 10:05 p.m.

the entry before the next one


ok, so I was out shopping for the work holiday party when I should have been writing this entry so if you are keeping track, this is being backdated a few hours or nine or ten, but if it makes that big a difference to you then I ought to know so you ought to tell me (and though I do not pay for the comments feature, or even the stats feature, there's still notes and email and those are mostly silent unless I leave a note for someone so I don't think the exact time means all that much even in a time and date stamped diary, but it would be nice if it did)...

actually, I do not (did not) expect this diary to get any regular readership because this is the daily babbles, the trivial relatively meaningless stuff of life, whining, crapping, wiping noses and the rest of the odds and ends that make up a life... and who really wants to check all the pores of anyone, really?...

still, I am an advocate of regular self-pore checking, a phrase meant to mean continuous monitoring and cleansing and release of whatever is going on in the brain and all such matters that might pass through the life, body, spirit, mind, heart, and all other possible planes of existence, metaphoric or physical or whatnot... so this diary is for me and if no one reads it, well, ok, then no one wants to know what's going on in all of my pores and such... it shouldn't matter much, but being lonely and without daily affection and attention and nurturing and wanting daily attention and affection and nurturing, any semblance of that kind of stuff, even in words from far away, matters...

truth is, I got to the point in this life where I became sick of people because too many people were proving they could not be trusted and really did not care and really had no respect or active love to share... and the people who claimed they did were the worst hypocrits of all... and finally, after time and time again of being betrayed and abused (and I don't use these words lightly, ultimately, I was left for dead more than once by those I trusted most)... so they was my stupid choices... so it was my bad judgement... so it was my weakness that allowed others to have that much control over me... so it was my vulnerability, naivity, gullibility, stupidity, whatever... my fault, beat me up and throw me out...

naaaa, I'd rather just forgive myself and start again...

maybe that's finally happening again with this recent return to waking up motivated enough to get out and exercise, even though it's inconvenient before work and cuts into writing time (and I already feel shorted on writing time)... I used to be able to just turn the page, take a deep breath and move on... it should be easy for me... I have no biological family and never connected in any permanent way to any adoptive family, so I have had no reasons to connect with humanity, no sense of belonging, no reason to buy into the god stories or place any irreplaceable value on life or mourn losses the way most humans seem to do... the right profile for a psychopath, no doubt... that's a choice some make... it's not mine...

but everything is relative and most everyone sees things from the collective perspective, leaving out some details for one reason or another... sometimes just forgetting, or sometimes just being insensitive or maybe even ungrateful (just as insecurity leads to greed and other potentially harmful, even violent behaviors and the like)... kind of like how most Americans forget (or never learned) that one of the primary symbols of freedom and liberty, the very Statue of Liberty was not an American idea, nor was it built in or by Americans, but rather it was a gift from France, designed and built (originally, it was put together and standing in Paris) by French people... and the very idea of accepting the gift had to be sold to Americans in the first place... and then Americans decided to improve (word used with relative ambivalence or sarcasm, depending on perspective) on the gift and cut homes in it and therein let water in that eventually eroded the statue and forced a few major fixed over the years (but that's ok, kids take gifts apart all the time, don't they) and eventually had to turn to the French once again to fix it right... might explain the rather uncomfortable relationship between Americans and French people, kind of like how a teen mocks and laughs at a parent, yet still turns to the parent when in trouble, or not, depending on your perspective... but as interesting as this historical study or philosophical quorum or psychological construct might be to me and some, this is, at the moment, just a rather elaborate distraction from whatever it was I was rambling on about before I used this as some sort of example for whatever it is I was rambling on about (which was, actually, an aside from other things I was rambling on about, no matter how revealing or profound or important the information might be)...

as relative as the origin of the word gadget, but that's another story, sort of, and we can leave that tangential distraction for another time...

I could so easily give up on life, lay down and die, for there is nothing holding me here in any ordinary human frame of reference... but then, it's not like I have anywhere in particular to go... maybe there's another life after this, a heaven or hell, a return in another form, a spiritual energy form of existence, something... maybe not... I don't know so there's no hurry to leave to explore that unknown (for there may be nothing to explore and no way to explore it and it is possible that this consciousness I consider to be me might just go poof and disappear)... this agnostic perspective certainly helps to isolate me from the bulk of humanity, especially in this rather monotheist country (don't let the freedom of religion fool you, religious cliquishness is as prevalent as any cultural snobbery and many are in abundance here)...

it is not that I see any other government doing all that much better and I do not have the funds to explore the world and it could be that humans are humans no matter how, wait, that's Horton's line... I mean, it could be humans are humans wherever they might live... I have been trying to understand humanity all through this life and still am mostly baffled... everything seems based on fear and ignorance, two choices I would rather not make for myself... so I sit apart, watching, waiting for someone to notice and maybe want to know my perspective and maybe even share it... but most of this might make little sense or hold little importance to anyone but me... that's why I'm here... and maybe why you are not...

but then, I was out shopping instead of writing this entry, so... nevermind...






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


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the moment

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