ok, some of you may recall where we left off earlier in the week (before the last two entries that did something else) as I was pressed for time and distracted by rushing through life (how does that go again?:

Half our lives is spent trying to find something to do with the time we rushed through the other half of our lives trying to save

or something like that) and nobody knows it but me cuz there was no time or focused brain wave power to share so my heart comes to you now heavified with mournful lonelinesses and sorrowful puppy-dog eyes hoping that all may be forgiven with the world for I never meant to neglect you or ignore our literal connection and if I have a million dollars I'd not only be rich, I'd pay myself to be online writing to you at least for one hour every day, like just before brushing my teeth just before going to bed, at least... maybe I need a normal bedtime, or a bedtime...

lack of sleep is the primary cause for my sadness (my madness, on the other hand, has more desireable causes, at least for me)... the workers are sawing and planing and banging on the walls again (it doesn't matter if it's 7AM Saturday morning or 7PM weekday evenings, they bang, saw, plane, and do their dancing in my ears)... the last three or four months have been noisier than living in NYC (and the constant noise was one reason I left)... oh, how I long for silence...

I don't know how I feel sometimes because I don't have time to think about it and mental focus is distracted by external sounds and more direct requests for my attention and such... and that is a poor way to feel, not knowing and all...

then there is work, which is keeping me busy and rather distracted of late because the management are mismanaging more flagrantly than usual and turning our lives upside down and sideways a lot... tonight new people start and the cohesive well-oiled friendly machine (Berry, Bert, and me) is no more (we'll still meet Thursday nights for better purposes than work and still have our drum circles and movie nights and occasional other activities and we'll continue to encourage others to be friendly and think and do a better job because it is more fun... and we're still going to throw parties at work for birthdays and other reasons even though we work on different wards... the stress I feel comes from having to train two new people who do not want to be trained and definitely do not want to do more work, especially since they think they already know the job)... work life sucks when management sucks...

but survival is doable, as usual, so I shall...

so I was at work an extra three hours today (and may find that the pattern this week and find flack for it next week as they are cutting back on overtime and frown upon anyone who gets any, even if it's because of their haphazard moving around of staff creating the need for extra work and training and so on)... it would be better if I could find the time to write more... and I would have more energy if I found the time to exercise more... but instead, I come home and plop into this big green chair and tap a few words and nod off in mid-sentence and...

zzzzzzzzzzzz...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)