LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

Barbara Waters: so candoor, what all this fuss about blogmad?

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o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


blogadvance blogazoo
blogexplosion blogmad?
bloglines


o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2004-01-02 - 8:07 p.m.

an audience of one


I can probably disappear, that is, vanish from the face of the Earth and the fact might not be noticed for days, maybe weeks... maybe that's an exaggeration... and at some points of this life it might have been an understatement... truth can hurt...

I get very lonely at times because I want to share so much and I have nobody around who shares most of the things I want to share most... for instance, who is truly moved by the Kirk monologue from the film Free Enterprise (or who knows what I am talking about, for that matter)?... who can get as into the chord progressions and counterpoint dialogues of classic music as they can into the meaning of lyrics of popular or obscure music or emotional drama of romantic tear-jerkers like Sleepless in Seattle (for one example) as they can into the underdog against all odds escapist action adventure like T2 or The Fifith Element (for two examples) as they can into the profound silliness of The Marx Brothers, Three Stooges, Laurel and Hardy, Chaplin, Keaton, The Simpsons, South Park, or Beavis and Butthead as they can into sports statistics or video games or trivia or bio-engineering and gene splicing and squarks and relativity and string theory and unified theory and Stephen King or Douglas Adams or Charles Dickens or Richard Bach or Dr. Seuss stories... just to name a few interests I can get lost in for hours...

how can all of me belong anywhere?...

and I have little idea which part of me fits in best anywhere (largely because I do not limit myself much and have not figured out a way to turn off my mind and I am always finding connections and divergences between all sorts of abstract thoughts and what may seem, on the surface, as unrelated or mutually exclusive concepts or events and... well, I tend to explore and try to explain things a lot too... and forever make subconscious attempts to master understatements... perhaps you've noticed)... this may be why I have always secretly (well, maybe not so secretly... another step on my mastery of understatements?) wished for a guide I could actually trust, or an editor, or a collaborator, or a partner... ah, a partner... the oldest of dreams... and belonging... I never really have belonged anywhere...

the spark is intriguing, initially because of all the writing related links on the site, (which reminds me that I should consider updating my old links index one of these days... links pages can be a lot of work, but a lot of fun if you're into organizing info, browsing the web, and creating web maps), but I don't know much about it and being selfishly irresposible about updating in any sort of timely manner, I doubt they or any community would want me part of it... I enjoy being the elusive outsider too much, I think...

within the make up of my relatively infinite personality is an insatiable ego that is as much an extreme dichotomy as any aspect of me, with as much unfailing confidence as infantile insecurity (but don't tell ego that we know that last part, ok?)... ego wants an audience of bidillions (one of the many imaginary numbers I create at will) of hopelessly devoted fans fawning over every word... and most of me laughs at the thought that I might take the thought seriously...

but the idea of a community and belonging is something that has intrigued me all through this life (since I never experienced it in any of the usual human ways... during my little-person childhood I was always on the outside looking in {or looking wherever} and all through my big-person childhoods I've been seeking the partner who might introduce me to the actualized concept of belonging to something, someone who caould and wanted to {or is that wanted to and could} convince me that belonging anywhere in this world was right for me... I doubt anyone really knows what I mean, while probably most of you might and some may think you do, but then, what do I know) and maybe someday someone will come along and find a way to convince me to do whatever it might take to become part of something...

it is not actually that I try to ostracize myself (I think) and it is not that I do not want to be part of something, I think it is just that I never learned how to belong... for one thing, I am a literary chameleon... I imitate, absorb, mimic, (not intentionally meaning to plagiarize, ever, as I believe in giving credit to influences and direct or indirect or paraphrased quotes as much as possible, as you may notice from the number of links in my entries), and create different writing styles and therein different literary personae... just look around at some of my journals and other places in my written gardens... and I am never quite sure just how to create myself in words to best fit into and please or inspire or bring the most I can to a community... and I don't follow guides too well...

I mean, I don't like rules (it's some inate instinctive reflex... I must consciously work to follow any set of rules and I do it very poorly) and I find it very challenging to learn rules and follow them, partly cuz I am always asking "why?" and also because rarely to a whole collection of rules make any sense to me and because I love to learn and learning requires being able to think without rules and experiencing everything outside of the box...

this makes sense to me and I like my choices and the only challenge is that it gets lonely floating around freely without rules even if it is the most exciting and best way to learn about and experience life and everything... which is largely why I am out here rambling in public, for feedback, for new ideas, and to feel less lonely...

after all, I could be wrong, no matter how right it feels to me...

and after after all, when all is said and done and I face the final curtain of truth in myself in this life, all I've ever wanted was an audience of one...






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




.

.

.

.

.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

connections

.

.

.

.

AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
stranger brews
once upon a diaryland
babbling through computer concerns
stunningly missing
older still


random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
other loves

A Diaryland Survey
other surveys
small world
your profile matters
(search for you & find me)


tell others
read others
applause?
favor?
gift?

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
googlisms
browsing
where've ya been?
the searchers

favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

( temporary attractions )


BACK TO #1 @ GOOGLE!

WAS #1 @ MSN!
(for a while, now on page 3 5)




(EXPERIMENTAL PLAYTHINGS)
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(PREVIOUS TEMPORARY ATTRACTIONS)
TSUNAMI INFO
fantasy sports?
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Orange Blossom Music Festival

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MIT Survey

brilliant idea
Celebrate Birthdays
FOR FREEDOM



CONTINUE...
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