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last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2006-07-08 - 1:47 p.m.

what attracts what? (and thoughts on ageism)


I might have written this in a comment somewhere or perhaps in another entry, but it's here because I didn't find it in my brief search and, well, it's in the scribble files and it's scribble file cleaning day... actually, it is most likely from the onion blog which I've neglected for a couple of weeks now because I don't have time and as the following mentions, I don't want to find an online relationship...

if you think I'm partner material for you, then meet me offline, ok?...

so somewhere along the way I was pondering what attracts me to others and why and what rules I might have for relationships, if any and I accept that I am not all that attracted to white-haired wrinkled and stooped old men (or women, for that matter) myself, so I suppose I understand however irreverently I laugh at the truth in my own thought about the passing years making it more challenging to find someone clicking on all cylinders of attraction for me...

actually, these thoughts come from another experience at an online personals site...

first, it may or may not be helpful to know that I have never dated... my relationships always started out as mutual friends hanging out and I like it that way... I like to start out and keep it real... I have found no luck or worth in personal ads or free dating services (and I won't pay)... I am starting to understand online personal sites more after filling out dozens of profiles over the years... and recently, I stumbled into that world by accident one day and being blog mad (in a variety of ways) I excitedly set up another blog at the onion (yes, the online magazine has personals with blogs) in my many-blogged world... though I don't put much stock in finding romance or intimacy online, I always open doors and wave at anyone on the other side cuz I never know where I might find a friend or the next person to share life...

and fitness matters a lot, but then, there are many buff young-looking bodies that do nothing for my libido either (as much as I can pretend to be shallow, I am far from a typical guy in many ways attraction is but one)... I am stuck with (or blessed with, from my perspective) a rather selective libido, but it protects me from much nonsense and harm in this life, so I love even though it may appear prejudiced to the uneducated eye...

you would do well to leave your mind open in most ways, but trust your instincts when it comes to attraction... of course your instincts may not be your own, since cultural bias and forced-fed perspectives are predominant in our current environment... while many might differ, I believe it is best to leave age limits off friendship... for me, age is a number that sometimes relates to experience and knowledge, but usually just allows people to categorize and eliminate people from their sphere of respect and perceived coolness...

it's the most obvious and yet most ignored closure of the human mind I see in our culture and I've seen it since I was a very young child... it is prejudice, pure and simple, and yet the most actively anti-prejudiced people when it comes to race or culture or identifying characteristic or way to be can be found living a very ageist life...

as a child ageism was oppressive, as a teen it was frustrating, and now I see it from the other perspective (as a supposedly grown man) and it's no better... I am puzzled by it and occasionally frustrated with it and do my bit to vent and keep the peace in my head when it slaps me in the face now and then...

ultimately, honesty is the first and highest ideal in me, and also the strongest trait after my wish to do not harm, so faking who I am by numbers or in any way is just not happening in my world... and honesty is ageless, but rarely does someone have the guts to be honest at any age... Billy Joel is certainly right, honesty is a lonely way to be in this world... so sometimes I am more silent than my natural way because silence is kinder, but I dream of a world and relationships in which I can be completely open and honest in sharing everything cuz that is me...

as for ageism in relationships, like is there a right age for a life partner, I try to have no expectations... I know that my perspective and energy level is such that few people who've lived the number of years I've lived in this life can keep up with me, but I don't rule out someone my age or older as a soul mate... I'm not sure just why people leave it behind, fear, self-doubt, insecurity, inability to deal with loneliness, psych books can go on for days with reasons I suppose, but that matters little to me... I simply accept me as I am because I love being me as I am and hope for someone to enter my life who is close to my perspective and energy level...

while on some levels (logical and not just cultural bias) it seems to make sense that someone near my age would be best as life experience is part of what intimates share and it's good when there's some balance... and death is more likely to come sooner for the older one in a relationship , requiring an acceptance of death (and who overcomes that fear comfortably?), not to mention an open perspective about starting anew in live and life, realizing there's a good chance for a lot more years of love and life after the older partner dies...

I still try to avoid the numbers and stats until after getting to know someone to avoid any ageism I might have in me (and I must have some as it so deeply permeates our culture)... and I do remember that I live in a temporary world in spite of my dreams of science fiction and stories like Robert Heinlein's Time Enough For Love (in which the main character lives thousands of years and only after all that time begins to understand the nature and value of falling in love)...

and then I face the reality that the first thing seen on any personal site is age and gender and I think, what's the point of even trying such a site when it enables and caters to such an unfair and limiting prejudice... I ponder the worth of lying about age and on balance I don't do it because it feed into the prejudice just as much (though I do not often enter my actual birth date on a site for privacy purposes and routinely choose one or another key date in my life that I'll remember (for log in purposes)... so don't pay much attention to any profile I put online cuz putting too much information into a profile is like giving someone your identity...

I want to fall in love with a person, not with a number or an superficial characteristic... perhaps eharmony has the right idea (I filled out their many page profile once upon a time, but I didn't pay, after all... I am not even sure I could give you a page address to my profile there, but I will look...

and from looking comes the next five entries...






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