this was what I may have written yesterday (which by now might be the day before... when I started this, yesterday, which would be tomorrow according to the date on the entry but might actually be two entries ago, or not, I was rather tired... maybe it shows... anyway, at the moment Solaris is on the TV because someone at work said it was good and brought it in for me to watch... Precious had told me the movie stunk, so I didn't get to watch it since I seldom actually turn on the TV and watch for anything specific and she is usually in control of the remote and TV with as many shows as possible pre-programmed ahead of time because she she seems to enjoy TV and even now when I am watching a film I put on with the intention to watch, I am here tapping keys because watching other people on a flat screen does not hold my total attention too often... sharing is what i am about so here we are... still, this is definitely a film that requires attention so I'll leave this parentheses now and watch a bit more as I continue this entry which was started whenever it was, is, or will be), or by the time this is actually uploaded, possibly two days ago, or more, so unless you enjoy the relativity of time, feel free to excuse yourself as we wouldn't want you to get any motion sickness... or emotion sickness, for that matter...

ah, I remember emotion... I mean emotion beyond the written word, emotion beyond the cells of this body, emotion shared in the eyes and breath and touch of others... every now and then I remember that one of the absolute emotional best periods of this life were spent in the same place that the worst period of this life was spent and man, let me tell you, remembering that too well, well, that leaves me spent... it may be time for another Ode to Toronto...

life is so much better when someone cares, I mean actively cares in the physical world... when someone outside of self notices the little things, the hair, the skin, the way the body contours, the lifestyle and how it effects who you are... that is when you know you have a friend and how you know you are alive in this world...

at least that is what I think...

interesting film, Solaris... though it is not easy to get past the major character flaws... it is the most obvious (to me) flaw in most any sci-fi space-travel story I've read... a super-shrink and other so-called scientists selected for whatever specific skills they have and sent into an environment where anything is possible and they are totally unprepared for what they find and they find things that surprise them and they handle it with the subjectivity and distorted perceptions that I, for one, would hope to be prepared to get past if I was truly trained and ready to venture out into the unknown where anything is possible...

maybe the story moves too fast, or maybe the character development is too thin, or maybe humans just so rarely think beyond the box that they accept emotional confusion as the dominant reaction no matter how prepared they are supposed to be...

and maybe everything possible is undermined by the fear of death and the unknown... anyway, maybe I'd make the same closed minded limited thinking choices if presented with the most personal traumas in my own experience or some fear stronger than my ability to reason and choose...

hope not...

how divergent must a perspective be before it becomes an alien perspective... and how many of us are there?...

and then there are the things we do for love...

so anyway again, I wonder what this entry would have been like had I actually completed it yesterday or actually written it two days ago when it was started and will be dated... without the influences of Solaris and whatever it might be... without the infinite possibilities... without the hopes and dreams and, het, wait a minute... that's not right... I have infinite possibilities within me without external influences... I have hopes and dreams and whatever was going to come after the and (it was good stuff, trust me) inside of me and that can come out in my words, yesterday, the day before, maybe even today...

and the sharing of caring intimacy changes everything, not just by making it more physically real, but by giving it two perspectives and adding the magic (or whatever you choose to call it) and energy of caring (love?) and the interactive influences it brings... ultimately, forgiveness... someone once told me that family forgives everything... I wonder if I ever had family...

there are no answers, only choices?...

and more questions...

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)