where were we?... I do not take short term memory very seriously most of the time... as opposed to smoog, mine is a conscious decision... I prefer the sense of aimless wandering I get from staying just on the fringe of my short term memory... things slip in, things slip out, the hope is that things that matter stick around... sometimes hope is fulfilled, sometimes hope is dashed, sometimes something else happens and I think that randomness is the main reason for my choice... the universe may be ordered and may be chaos, but unless we know it all or believe we do, it is essentially chaos and I enjoy it... I have tried living other ways, I have given complete power of everything to others who might ground me in a permanent continuum, but I keep coming back to the momentary existence I know as life...

now all that might be why you don't hear from me as often as you'd like... why emails sit unanswered for a while... there are other layers of reasons both deeper and more superficial, but without any external influences I am most aware of the moment as real and all else as games of the mind... memories are yesterday trying to stick around, fantasies are tomorrows trying to form out of imagination, dreams are where they mingle with sub and unconsciousness to form what dreams may come... there are many wonderful and good reasons to hang on to these mind games and thoughts and feelings as reality, but I don't have too many of reasons to in my life these days... nobody shares them here )in physical life)... so when alone like this I revert to my more natural ethereal momentary perspective and life just happens and I do my best to enjoy it...

I seldom remember what I wrote in a previous entry without looking back and reading it and I do not look back and read every time... so remind me if I left a thought or anecdote dangling if you care to know more about that thought or anecdote... meanwhile, Lil Bit is in super-attention-seeking mode and doing her best to get between me and this keyboard and since I sat and vegetated into some TV show for almost an hour earlier giving her the whole hour of lay on me petting attention, I feel she needs to learn to be less needy and find something else to occupy her time since I have this babbling to do before food arrives and the fantasy basketball draft happens... but we're getting ahead of ourselves...

yesterday was a busy day what with trying to nap and having a mid-afternoon meeting (which is around midnight for the night shift) and then I went to the store to return the NIC card, finally, and found they had no more so I paid an additional $10 for a different card (25% more for an item that does the same thing as the other item makes no sense, but I am trying to get DSL so I went for it)... unfortunately, I discovered the problem with the NIC cards... I have a standard card slot and they only sell upgraded (II) cards... I'll have to hit a used place or the computer show to get an older card that should work with this laptop... so though the bill arrive and I paid over $300 for DSL, phone, and so on (much of it is supposed to be rebated, but that hasn't happened yet), I still do not have DSL... this is why I never ordered it when Sam lived here and he paid for it himself... I do not have the equipment for DSL or cable modem... Sally, we need to talk about bills...

after work this morning I found the bed and finally got some sleep, yay... then the couple of hours of vegetating with the TV and cat (did I say an hour?... maybe it was two... oh, yes, a phone call... I was on the phone a while... longer than I intended and there went the evening) and now here we are... alas, this evening flew by... food was ordered and should be here soon and in an hour Sally and I have a fantasy basketball live draft to do... and we are all caught up on the excitement of today...

aren't you glad you came?

. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)