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PO BOX 780398
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send me some music
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last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2004-12-24 - 9:35 p.m.

from an empty head


oh, I wish my head was empty... it is not actually thoughtful (or thought-full) at the moment, but it feels like it weighs about a ton on the sun, or Jupiter, at least... gravity, man...

I did make it through work last night (and as a side note kick in the head I really must pay attention too very soon, continue to spend money as if I actually earn enough money to spend money as if I earned enough money to continue spending money as if... ummm, must budget better, ok) and we exchanged gifts there again (thanks to dear wonderful Berry who loves shopping almost as much as she loves chocolate and agreed to take my . . .

. . . o O ( distraction of the mind ) O o . . .

it was a search I was doing in the background that caught my attention and her (I won't fantasize, I won't fantasize, I won't... too late) words and images (the images are mostly on her LJ, which is locked, so I don't link it to frustrate you here... am I not kind?) popped up to seduce me in very strange (deeply buried) ways that wake the dead (and the mostly dead as well) and I got to thinking about a song about anger (and memories), or not, to be more precise, which lead to thinking about all the girls I've loved before (without the song) and suddenly I was wanting to find a girl who would inspire me to want to take off a few days to do nothing else but caress hair and shoulders and lower back and breasts and kiss her neck and lips and navel and spread the joy to every inch of her skin and as she spreads wide to welcome all the love in the universe and pull me to her to fuck her brains out (such a multi-layered phrase of many meanings if you see past the initial shock value it presents, but we won't go there just now) because maybe it is time for me to just lose myself in pure physical passion (mindless as it might seem to some) and ultimately would it not be truly unconditional love for someone to share that escape from the ordinary?...

what was the question?...

I believe I was in the middle of a parenthetic aside about how wonderful Berry is to have taken my Benjamin (whatever you thought, stop that) and shopped for gifts for the immediate family at work... she said she enjoyed the extra present of having more money to shop with and I almost got some much needed sleep {see yesterday's entry}, so it worked out well for both of us and I think I'll close the parentheses now cuz dangling parentheses are worse than dangling participles and we've had enough dangling around here for one extended paragraph)...

it may not be a special madness, but it is my own...

after work three of us went to breakfast (at TooJays again... I had a Rachel {that's a sandwich, or popkin, as Roland of Gilead might call it, but that's another story... it's actually a Reuben made with pastrami rather than corned beef... a treat, but still a far cry from a good NYC deli sandwich, alas... that's what I miss second most about wealth, traveling for the best foods... I miss meeting people in my travels the most... and that too are other stories} imagine, people who enjoy going there to eat... now I don't have to eat TooJay's food on my own anymore... yay!... wonderful)... I was barely able to stay awake at and took home half my meal, but it was still good...

and how often do you think about how a guitar player, especially a bass guitar player standing on stage, looks like he or she is fingering him or her self in a way that most people do not finger themselves in public?...

anyway, after we ate I somehow found my way back home and passed out (not literally, no worries) in the big green chair before I could imagine doing anything else... so I feel crappy about not getting to the bank this week to get Minnie her birthday gift on time (it'll be a day late, Monday, but that's ok for us cuz we are always late with gifts... she hasn't mailed hers out to me yet cuz time is relative, ya know)...

and waking I came here and just remembered that I also (before breakfast this morning), stopped at the post office and found love in the form of music... twelve CDs for the twelve days and right on time {some people just amaze me with the way they get time and space and stuff to work for them} and except for the public library, the wonder from the great northwest has added more CDs to my slowly rebuilding collection than anyone and there's no thank you worthy of the gift of music for me... so I'm qvelching or something like that...

merci so much...

and in closing tonight, until I next feel the rambling rise from the depths inside, I wish you merry happies and happy merries... whether you are carolling or sitting around a fire or swimming in the ocean or dancing on the moon... whether you are celebrating a specific person or place or thing or catching up on sleep... whether you are dining like kings and queens with loved ones or eating from a can by yourself... whatever you do tonight, love yourself... and try to love someone else...

that is my wish on a star tonight...

sure, I get all mushy as a rather irreverent, sorta silly, and perhaps a little perverse entry draws to a close... just like me, aye?... but that's why people who love me love me (at least one reason, or so I am told... and I even believe them)... on Xmas eve, no less...

but then, what can we expect from an empty head...






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