LIFE

IN
BLACK
AND
WHITE



last---past---next---now
( FEATURED OTHERS 'n STUFF )

MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

WHERE IT BEGAN


ARE THEY SERIOUS?
(how far are we from censorship?)

ONE. . . WHY
(find your social conscience)

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o O ( ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE ) O o

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

MEANING OF LIFE
FORWARD THIS ENTRY
INTELLIGENT DESIGN

(SEE WHAT THE POPE SAYS)

o O ( AND COMING SOON! ) O o

ABOUT ZOOPLA

o O ( AND CURRENT EVENTS ) O o


blogadvance blogazoo
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o O ( SOCIAL CONCERNS ) O o

HELP THE RED CROSS
MESSAGES FROM MISSISSIPPI
BLOG FOR RELIEF
NEW ORLEANS JOURNAL

(MIRROR OF N.O. JOURNAL)
(INCLUDING LIVE CAM AND PHOTOS)

HELP AND BE HELPED
HURRICANE HOUSING
LINKS TO HELP
IMAGES FOR HISTORY
New Orleans News
Buloxi News
THE FAILURE


FREE SPEECH
(tell them what you think)

The White House
(202) 456-1111

Senate and Congress
(202) 224-3121

YOU'VE GOT THE RIGHTS
USE THEM





FAT MAN WALKING
BLOGATHON!
INDEX BEGIN
FACE FUN!



last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
are you generic?
neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




SITES I AM CONSIDERING
SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
metafilter
comics
digg





REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
wikipedia
gutenberg
internet public library

itools references
movie database
Giga-Quotes
rare-lyrics
all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
Thursday Threesom
Saturday Questions




(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
old or new
blissful or blue
let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2004-07-24 - 11:17 a.m.

and today...


sometimes I disappear in hopeless causes,
I hope to reappear and when I do,
I find the treasures of life after pauses,
are hearing simple words like "I love you"


I hear a voice in my head asking, so am I back? (and another echoing, will I ever be?)... and deep beneath the grumbling doubts and rambling confusions I hear laughter as if I know too well that I create drama and challenges for myself out of boredom and frustration because if I did not distract myself from awareness I'd probably explode... or at least sign myself into some nice clean institution that allowed laptops, time for writing, and internet interactions, since I already tried the streets and found total detachment from people less to my liking than I once thought it might be... and in my wanderings I signed up for something at tickle (though the site apparently didn't update or had a glitch as I was not able to log in and check my profile and yet I was not able to create a new profile because it said my user name was already taken, so they've got some work to do there to get their code right and I've forgotten exactly what I wrote so what's the point, but anyway...), and when it asked me to describe myself in 100 characters I did something like this:

I strive to actualize sharing honesty without harm, creativity w/o limits, love w/o conditions, passion w/o judgments, and sensuality w/o inhibitions. I seek a partner.

I was not exactly thrilled with my eleven or twelve catch up entries that precede this one (they feel, to me, unfocused and unfinished, but maybe that is life's reflection in the ripples of the pond of words, or some such metaphor)... at least we are now back in real-time, or as close to real-time as we can come in this diary sharing... and while I was away mostly distracted by work and the general emptiness of intimate life in my depths, I was inspired by words (I just love her mind sometimes) again and wrote some more fantasies and introductions, though the latest have not been uploaded to the web yet...

and as if teddy wasn't enough, when I read this I remembered being on the street and the traumas that got me there and it might have scared me if I could remember how to kindle the fires of fear in me again but I think I've become fearless, which is not as great a thing as you might think...

after driving myself crazy trying check out new music which involves trying to navigate a site that challenges my little 32MB RAM laptop with Flash and streaming audio (heck, I don't even have room for a squirrel on this thing, mores the pity for it is my loss), I humbly crawl back to my world of words and imagination with little more than a link and a wetted appetite for more sounds and graphics...

but it's not all depths, depressions, and gore here at casa de candoor this month (what, no abandonment issues?... ahhh shaddup)... in fact, just moments ago I found clarity (this girl is an amazing artist and I gawk with awe, but we won't embarrass me or anybody by mentioning that) and while I do not have the computer power to try out the fun links she included, I found myself amused (after being touched enough by her writing to read more than I have time to read)... I was reminded of my old friend Alice who has been refered to using the movie reference go ask alice more than a few times in my old journals... but new to me (and one of these days I will play with) is this...

I explored some other art for a few moments and once again find myself petitioning the universe for more time (especially since some of my favorite odd drawing links are there)...

and then I face the music and stop distracting myself (Harry helps, even though I still have not opened any of his music yet... what does that tell us?)... and then I finally laugh at myself and I look at you guys and I check my mail and messages and feel the hope for there is love in the world even if it isn't grabbing me by the ear lobes and making me look into it's eyes at the moment... you are only far away in relative human space, but I feel you right here in my heart when you leave words (and when you don't)...

I have decided (who me?) that it might be a good idea to feature a comment or something more flippant or personal (very decisive of me, huh?... but seriously, I am way more sincere in my heart than I may come off sometimes and I'd like someone to know that) here in my rambles (since I have no digital camera or scanner or even pics to attract your eyes and make this diary more stimulating for you)... so a new feature to be included whenever I remember to include it will be a comment of the day which might not be daily and may not necessarily be a comment (could be a note or piece of email or whatever) wherein I randomly (or with great forethought) choose a few words inspired by someone out there... yes, I've done this informally before, but now it's more official-like... and in keeping with my new goal for the moment which is to follow through on new ideas, here is my comment of the day inspired by and left for westy who apparently found me while I was fantasizing about making love to the warped spaces in her mind:

I think you're right about the pictures, one of these days I'll invest in a digital camera when I finish saving for all the other things I want to invest in one of these days... I've decided that I like your writing and want to come back here, so I added that to my list of things to do, which includes updating favorites and doing my laundry and finding a soulmate and winning the lottery and try to maybe kind of sort of be a little bit more decisive and less procrastinistic (the list is long and random, but still sincere)... I hope you don't have to deal with guns anymore and I am glad you are not dead.


and she says "you just keep putting your words into the little box" and my mind ads "cuz that's what you're good at, Butch" as it flashes back to an old movie and paraphrases the original line (and can you come up with the original line and film?... it would have been much more of a challenge if I did not include the name, ya know... other classic lines from that particular film include "rules in a knife fight?" and "swim?... hell, the fall will probably kill you", among others)... I do love the laughter that provided in me... anyway, thanks to each one of you who cared for the ahhhh moments (and for the smooches and missing me and concerns and love)...

and on that note with Rasputin walking in the door from work I shall upload this entry and get on with whatever it is I did not plan on doing with today... hope you enjoy yours too...

PS... I love you J






. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




see me - - - feel me - - - touch me - - - heal me


< last one < < < < BURP! > > > >next one >




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.

the moment

we interrupt these seemingly mindless dots for a word from (or at least about our sponsor (hmmm, sponsor?... what's the opposite of sponsor?)... anyway, now, as ado-less as possible, the word for you or andrew)...

you know that box to the right on the dland entry page called recent public entries?... what do the asterisks mean?... and the bold?...

. . .

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AND WHATDYA MISS?
Laughing Lament
stranger brews
once upon a diaryland
babbling through computer concerns
stunningly missing
older still


random chance

who me?

leave a note?
(read archived notes)

send me mail?

you want to know me?
soundtrack
101 Things
The Sequel
The Trilogy
202 Things
200 Things
202 More Things
202 Things Again
testing123
have time, love words?
sleepwriting
(where the heart dreams)

and now, in RealTime�

DO ME!
(Johari Style)


DO ME WRONG!
(but do me right)


SOAP!

(EPISODE ONE)
(the dark side of candoor)


loving linkers
other loves

A Diaryland Survey
other surveys
small world
your profile matters
(search for you & find me)


tell others
read others
applause?
favor?
gift?

get your own!

saturn rings and other places
googlisms
browsing
where've ya been?
the searchers

favorites

911
HEY AMERICA!
LOOK AT YOUR CHILD
STOP THE ABUSE

(GET THE CODE)

THOUGHTS ON GOD

( temporary attractions )


BACK TO #1 @ GOOGLE!

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