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MEG AND DIA!

ORLANDO?

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last---past---next---now



SITES I SEE A LOT
IxQuick Search
Google Search
itools references
movie database

Giga-Quotes

Harry Chapin Lyrics
SSA




OLD AND NEW READS
(WISH I HAD MORE TIME
TO READ and EXPLORE)

mother jones
utne reader
common dreams
the progressive
mediate
the other side
orion
harper's
rolling stone
reel classics


fallout shelter
the memory hole
song meanings
truth out
wil wheaton
bugmenot
global news matrix
break for news
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neil gaiman
h2g2
daily kos
the truth laid bear
reason
capitol hill blue
boing boing
nobody here




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SEEING MORE OFTEN

3Hive
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REFERENCE LIBRARIES

questia
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itools references
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Giga-Quotes
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all musicals




AMUSEMENTS

Diaryland Times
home star runner
hell
hell too
sinfest
ill will press
the guide
purple
despair
maximum awesome
86 the onions
straight dope
something awful
glossy news
eric conveys emotion
odd todd
cracked



CULTURE

the superficial
darwin awards
this is true
urban legends
news of the weird
church of the fsm
the onion
god checker
faqs
fark
iGod
post secret
webby awards
meetup
the white house
ragged trousered philosopher
the smoking gun
the defective yeti
landover baptist
evil bible


COMMERCIAL CRAP (AND PRON)

(Note: pron is porn worth a look for amusement much more than passion, so if you see a (p) next to a link, be aware naked people may appear if you click it, m'ok?)

beautiful agony (p)
(a turn on or a laugh?)
real doll (p)
(the ultimate self-indulgence)

(or it could just be a typo)




PROMPTS
(IF YOU KNOW ONE LET ME KNOW)


Unconscious Mutterings
Friday Feast
Wednesday Whatevers
Sunday Brunch
Monday Madness
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(make it real)

PO BOX 780398
Orlando, FL 32878

send me some music
your favorite music
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let your message come through
and I will love you forever



last---past---next---now
�2006 Candor Communications


2005-10-14 - 11:48 a.m.

it's all about me, right?


and there I was saying I was content just cuddling and looking up at the stars (or were those clouds?)... maybe I'm just playing with fire in a much more passive way... what's that Bill (Cosby)?... walk away passively...

oh yeah, I remember...

buck buck...

hey hey hey...

and maybe the only justice is a balance beyond our understanding...

at least for now...

anyway, I have one day off this week and I think it's today, so instead of passing out and getting some much needed sleep, I have a decadent dinner composed of a half dozen Krispy Kremes (they are right next door to my Doctor's office, remember?) and some old faithful Code Red (someone bought me one out of the blue at work tonight, completely unexpected support from an unexpected person... so I must be doing something right in my latest managerial chess game)...

meanwhile, I hear that voice and wish I could find one to call me her own... and if there is not one line in evdry entry that is beyond recognition or some secret code for some secret person, then I have not done my job here... mystery... intrigue... where did my heart go now?...

why to you, dear readers, my wonderful statistical strokes of love and appreciation... I might not have a million of you, yet, but the few I do have are worth a million bucks to me... of course there is that dream of getting so popular that my magical mystery the one finally finds my words out here and we come together for a life of blissful wonder... maybe if I had a chorus line of naked cheerleaders...

or just a couple of cute bears...

there's the old irreverent fool coming back around from the foggy bleary blahs... fool, though sayeth, well nay then I shall be a fool and thoust not change me in a million years... I've always been more the fool than the shrew...

I just watched most of funny ha-ha... strange little slice of life type film... I like the lead, Marnie (Kate Dollenmayer)... there's a distinctive Gena Davis sense about her look, posture, and personality... libido likes her too... you just were dying to know that, weren't you?...

I finally settled the library bill... another $70 or so... then I took out another hundred or so CDs and ten DVDs... besides funny ha-ha, the pile includes: That's Entertainment, Rosencrantz & Gilderstern Are Dead, A Fish Called Wanda, Rocky Horror Picture Show, The Princess Bride, Phantom of the Opera, Jacket, Black, and THX 1138... I won't list the CDs today... I will update the CD Stacks one of these days... a bunch of stacks await uploading...

I think I slipped on a 'so lonesome I could die' banana recently and am still figuratively flat on my back seeing stars (flash cartoon images)... it doesn't help that my method out of these sort of funks, writing whines and tears into rhymes that bring rainbows and laughter, was thwarted this week when some of those very rhymes were erased by computer error brought on by conflicts at work... stagnation (whine whine whine), work crap (details will follow in some entry somewhere someday), health concerns (my doc is yelling at me about my liver, wants a sonogram, not sure exactly why, tells me it's fat...

Doctor: "...and your liver is fat"...
Kid: "oh?"...
Doctor: "it's called fatty liver syndrome"...
Kid: "oh?"...
Doctor: "we need to do more tests to determine for sure if that is all it is"...
Kid: "oh?"...
Doctor: "don't worry too much about it yet"...
Kid: "ok"...

at which point our hero leaves his doctor's office, stops next door at Krispy Kreme for a half dozen creme filled donuts, and makes all six and a Code Red the breakfast of champions for today...

ever the rebel... yes, that should probably be one of the engravings on his tombstone, if anybody thinks of actually doing that whole burial thing after he dies), and of course a hefty dose of the lonelies all combining to make me most unattractive to myself and anyone this state of being might attract, therein perpetuating the cycle...

and you think you've got issues?...

I should probably cut down on the processed sugar and caffeine, but heck, it's one of my few external physical highs these days and I need all the help I can get... it's probably like an anchor for a drowning man type help, but the drowning man doesn't know it until it's too late cuz the anchor is shaped like a donut, ya know?...

hey, Homer Simpson's had a hit TV show for many years...

yes, I know he's a cartoon character...

aherm, so we were doing absolutely nothing by avoiding issues and laying there flat on our backs minding the stars instead of our own business when the sun came out and we started to evaporate and just when we started realizing we existed and sort of knew what was happening, we were gone...

a day in the life of a puddle, borrowed and paraphrased from Douglas Adams, in case you didn't see it coming or recognize the reference... and if you didn't need this brief explanatory paragraph, then dance without sleeping...

which reference did you miss?...

...here's an excerp from a letter to a friend that might help express where I am at at the moment for that is why you come, I mean, beside to be amused by my odd way of babbling and the allure of the links, it's all about me, right?...

as for me, it's one of those down times... they don't come around too often and generally do not last long (in fact today there was clear signs of the giggles returning)... fatigue is a primary cause, as is lack of exercise and stagnating in less than optimal habits and most of all the lonelies... not too much I can do about the latter before I take care of the former things because attitude is everything and when my attitude is down all I can find for intimacy is misery-love-company and I am repulsed by those who start there...

meanwhile I stuff another donut in my mouth and drink another Code Red and wonder how long this body will hold out before it gives up the fight (hopefully I have one more major redemption-to-healthy left in this life and I'll stay in that healthy place next time I get there... ah, the hope always brings a smile (insert smiley)...

life is routine, so routine it's become rut-like...

work has been more sucky than usual (the administrative stupidity due to petty power people who do not know what they are doing and get away with covering it up by lying and blaming others, but still I love the feeling of helping the kids when the idiots stay out of the way)... roommates are the same, great wonderful people, but living an unhealthy eating-habit and no exercise lifestyle so adding to the stupid self-destructive influences already dominating my choices... there's no drugs or drinking or actively stupid choices other than the excessive sugar and caffeine and too-large portions, but for me it's still a unattractive substitute for a healthy lifestyle...

being able to express all that means I am not dead yet and also that I am not too far into denial which are two good things about life today... I think (actually, it is a great thing cuz it means the turn around is still but a moment, just a decision away (yay)...

meanwhile I indulge the 'bad boy' cuz I'm lonely and I am lonely mostly cuz I indulge the 'bad boy' cuz I do not like (find unattractive to the point of repulsive) the people attracted to the 'bad boy' (such a simple self-defeating cycle, huh?... you'd think knowing would be the first step, and it is, I've just gotten good at not taking the second step or any other steps... no steppin' out for this fool at the moment)...

self-mockery doesn't work today either (Charlie Brown)...

I think you've helped me fill in a diary entry for this week... might as well give other pathetic people some comfort that they are not alone, aye?... is this paragraph too honest for public exposure?... well, it wouldn't be the first time I mooned myself and others got in the way... no harm intended...

doesn't help that I feel extremely poor, as in poverty-stricken, on top of treating this body poorly by my standards... I kicked out almost $500 for the car this week (and still need tires before November), $160 to a friend, and paid several bi-annual big bills ($500 car insurance, a couple of months for each of the utilities) and still have to get about a grand to my storage place in New York as I'm about five months behind and I usually give them about eight months ($140 a month) at a time (sheesh, I may send $1400 like last time {savings is crying... shhh, just ignore her and she'll fall back to sleep... ummm?}... that's been going on for more than ten years now, the last knife {that I can remove myself} still stuck in my back from the Toronto stupidity)...

am I whining too much?...

actually, I hope it's not coming off as whining more than assessing my current state of affairs inside my head and heart and outside in the material world because it's much more the latter for me and it's helping me realize why I slipped into one of my downbeat moods and that is actually the second step out... knowing is the first, writing it all down is the second, sharing it is the third, and doing something about it is the forth...

I think that having such a logical and apparently simple way out of anywhere unpleasant is the primary reason I have lived so long with such a relatively positive attitude when all things are considered... yay me (now there's a marvin - reference to the sardonic humor of the robot in Hitchhiker's guide... I think a marvin is a good thing, personally, but then, that's the kid at the core who knows better just laughing at me and marvin with me (hey, I'm grinning)...

if any of this makes sense, deposit twenty five cents into the slot in your pants (your pocket) to continue... should you be wearing no pockets or be buck naked, just play with yourself and call me in the morning... this should be added to the long list of future fortune cookie statements I never actually wrote down...

and on that light and fluffy note, I wander off to read a bit and maybe even write and update this week in diaryland... who knows, maybe the mostly dead will rise a bit too (that would be a good sign)...

thanks for your email and for being someone who can inspire me to actually jump right out of any old funk to respond... few, and I mean few people can work such a miracle on me... yeah, just the really cute ones like you J

keep up the good work (wink wink nudge nudge)...







. o O ( NOTES ARE THE NEW HAPPY PILL ) O o .
(just let me know you were here)




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