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�2006 Candor Communications


2005-08-09 - 9:44 a.m.

a sad reflection on blogathon


I wonder if I should be amused or worried (and I laugh, for I do not believe in worry, for for me, it is a waste of energy, but then, my perspectives may or may not be right for anyone but me)...

anyway, I see my blogathoning, however unofficial, however good or bad or whatever it is judged, did get some attention from high up in the blogathoner ranks... that was not my intention when I rambled through this entry... I was looking for another blogathoner to sponsor and was curious to see what the founders and organizers of blogathon chose as their causes... and as I am apt to do, I expressed my opinion in my own candid rambling way...

apparently one paragraph in my 50-odd rambling entries struck a nerve among the leadership of the blogathon, for that paragraph seemed to override all the other entries and turned my support of blogathoners into yada yada yada and worse, insulting ridicule, if I understood her meaning correctly... somehow I became the representative of a blogathon critic and worse terms (she has since edited her entry to make her look better)...

I am "Specimen A: Narrow Fuck 1"

imagine, me a specimen... does that mean I am being studied by some beings of higher consciousness (not to think it was meant as a put down, the way one might put others down in order to distract from their point of view and diminish the logic of their perspective and undermine their opinion simply to make one somehow feel better about one's self because they have no real logic or intelligent argument to support their opinion)...

and my mind is apparently narrow...

I was curious to see if my mind was actually narrow so I wandered around the site and links to see what I could learn, eager for enlightenment... and I came to wonder, seriously, if the call for hostility, however guised as humor, in the term Narrow Fuck that appears to refer to anyone who suggests that being fat is not healthy or wise, might not reflect the deeper issues and self-loathing that compels a person to consume way more food than necessary... I mean, why hate someone because they have a different opinion?... fear the opinion?...

I, being a Narrow Fuck, do not wish fat people any harm... I do my best not to insult others... I see fat as doing harm to self and perhaps that is why this person sees nothing wrong with encouraging doing harm to Narrow Fucks... does that prove my point, that choosing to be fat stems from an unhealthy attitude about self and life and others?... I don't know, I only know I shall still try to see fat people as individuals and not as some negative sub-class of humanity...

and if there is any hostility there, I see it as a defense mechanism needed because of something inside of the hostile personand not a personal attack on me... and as I say often, I can be wrong about anything, but I laughed at the mockery of me because I want to believe it is, done in good fun, and not actually any sort of intent to harm me...

anyway, I left this comment (as I am apt do):

Hi (spoken with no malice or negativity and with hope that I care to respond because I care :)

I hope you find no personal offense in my opinion of fat. I admire you for your mind, for your efforts on the web, for your sense of humor, and that is just the preliminary sense I get from skimming your web presense. I do have a low opinion of fat and do not understand how it can be justified.

I do not agree with all of my friends, but I do not mention people in my public writings that I do not think are with knowing.

My view on fat might reflect my unenlighted mind or my insensitivity, or it might reflect my personal experience with excess weight. I speak much more from my personal physical experience than any social fashions or medical theories.

I feel better, much much better, when I am not carrying around an extra twenty or thirty or more pounds. I have more energy, I am happier knowing I am physically actualizing self love. I am less conscious of my physical surroundings when I can not experience this body in it's optimal condition. I see overeating as self-abuse because for me, it is. It is indulging a weakness I learned in my youth, laziness and substituting food for other passions, for action that ultimately leaves me feeling better.

I believe the social movement to make being overweight not only acceptible, but something to be admired is one more sign of our acceptance of and revelry in a suicidal tendency very prevalent in our species.

I do not wish to convince you my opinion or experience is right. It is simply my opinion and right for me. My intention was not to irk you or upset you or offend you and I sincerely hope you can believe that without blowing me off and not taking me seriously.

You may see me as ignorant, misguided, or unenlightened on the subject of fat. I may see anyone who self-abuses in any way in the same light, or darkness.

I know that I reach out because I care and I care as well as I am able. I reach out to learn and understand. Above all else I seek honesty without harm.

I hope you acccept me as I am and whether you respond or not, I wish you a long beautiful, fulfilled, secure, happy and healthy life.

I wrote that directly to the person who announced to all of her readers that I was a "Narrow Fuck" (a specimen, no less) because I just do not accept the hostility so many people have in them as reason to feel defensive or put off... I think when someone stoops to name calling or attempts at public ridicule (as opposed to direct communication), their fears or internal issues interfere with their inate desire to care and be cared about... I see that as just another aspect of the denial that underlies most, if not all self-abusive behaviors...

. . .

a few days later, finding my page views going up and more readers coming from her site, I returned to her site and found she went as far as to actually change my comment, to lie to her readers about what I wrote, and to attempt to insult me further (does that demonstrate the denial and hostility behind her self-abuse all the more?... perhaps not, perhaps she should misrepresent me and lie to her readers about my comments to her... personally, I trust you, my readers, to make up your own mind without my having to edit comments and twist other's words... and I do not pretend to be able to read your mind and know what you meant better than you do)... it seems obvious that she has no intelligent response, so she must resort to the oldest tricks in the book, but let me not tell you, I'll show you...

this is how my comment was edited:

Hi
I admire you for your mind, for your efforts on the web, for your sense of humor, and that is just the preliminary sense I get from skimming your web presense. I do have a low opinion of what I said and do not understand how it can be justified.

I do not agree with people who say fatties arent awesome, but I do feel sad for them, and for myself for being one of them. Im trying to learn.

My view on fat reflects my unenlighted mind and my insensitivity.

I feel better, much much better, having read your post. I am on the path to fat liberation. It will be a long road, but it will all be worth it in the end.

You may see me as ignorant, misguided, or unenlightened on the subject of fat. Thats be cause I am.

I know that I lash out because I am insecure. Its something Im working on.

I also smell bad, leave essays as comments, and kick puppies. I hope you can forgive that.

Comment by candoor (edited by Sheana) August 8, 2005

you can compare my original comment above with the comment she edited for yourself and judge for yourself what you see in her actions... she followed up with this response:

Thanks for your feedback, Candoor! Im glad youve seen the error of your ways. Take care, and if you ever need advice for how to get involved, I will totally hook you up with resources & folks in your area to get in touch with.

Take care!

Comment by Sheana August 10, 2005

after reading her edited entry, which appears to paint me as some sort of attacker, I responded to her with this:

it is interesting that you see me as lashing out and you do not see that you are lying to yourself and your readers, since you wrote the comment you include above in my name and I did not... I suppose you will do the same with this one, but it certainly reflects more on your fear of honest discussion and keeping an open mind than on your skewed presentation of my words...

I wish you would not prove my point so well... and if you read sarcasm in this statement, youre putting your own spin on my intended meaning...

hope you find more positivity along your way...

will she edit and misrepresent me again in order to try to make me out the villian and her to victim?... perhaps...

does she not see that she is proving my original premise about obesity being a psychological instability based on avoiding reality and lying to self?... perhaps not...

just as the song " I can't make you love me if you won't" (or the only saying about leading a horse to water) says, you can only offer a smile, an open hand, and honest love... you can not make anyone accept it or see it as you intend it if their perspective is to play the victim and look for an attack in most any interaction...

but there is always hope...

we all have our truths and as long as they are harmless, all is good... but when someone claims something is ok, or even good, when it is suicidal, that's not so good...

that is why cigarette advertisements no longer appear on TV and why there are laws against underage smoking and drinking... our culture glamorizes suicidal tendencies, dangerous activities, extreme sports, and the consumption (and over-consumption) of poisons, but the truth comes out in how our culture treats children... if children need to be protected from some behaviors, then those behaviors likely to be harmful no matter what sort of spin we put on them...

so we return (because I found the above which I see as someone trying to publically insult me personally based on my opinion of a concept she chose to support during blogthon) to fat and organizations that promote the idea that being obese is ok, going so far as to suggesting that doctors are wrong about the health risks of obesity...

and I wonder if that is ok to tell children... is it ok to tell a six year old that it is ok that they eat the third helping of ice cream after three cheeseburgers and fries and sure, you can have more sugary drinks and snacks... is it ok to tell an eight year old that she should mock the "Narrow Fucks" in the schoolyard that may or may not want to play with someone who probably can not keep up with them physically and would not be much help in a team sport because the others want physical competition?...

is it ok to tell a ten year old that weighing 250 pounds is no problem?...

I don't think so, but then, that's just my opinion and that's why I don't think any organization supporting the notion that being obese is cool and even healthy is a sensible move...

and whether any of you dear readers understand my motives or not, the fact is that if I did not care, I'd ignore the self-abuses I see all around me and probably join in the insult slinging and mocking that comes from not caring and/or insecurity...

what you do with your life (and body) is your personal business... I believe in the right to choose right up to your right to commit suicide if you truly wish to... but when you try to sell the idea that any sort of self-harm is good and anyone suggesting that self harm is not good should be insulted and written off (I mean, especially if you are an organizer of the blogathon (or any charitable effort) and the blogathon is all about helping make the world a better place and seeking and sharing positivity, ask yourself, are any of the other 50 blogathon entries I wrote worth reading or shall we just focus on one paragraph of one entry that you choose read negatively and ridicule the person writing the 50 entries in 24 hours?)...

I'd hope more positivity and understanding would be leading the blogathon efforts... the paragraph was supportive and complimentary, even as I expressed my disagreement with the cause... but again, we each see things through our own eyes...

may your eyes find the goodness, the positivity, the honesty and hope and love in everything... and may your heart feel the truth...

I welcome any ideas or opinions relating to any subject I write about, this one included, but I am not interested in aurguments so weak that they deteriorate to personal insults before any intelligent or meaningful discussion is attempted...

that's just my choice because it is right for me... I think we should all do what is right for us and most importantly, be honest with ourselves... not everyone has to live by my fundamental ideals, honesty without harm and be as positive as possible, but I shall do my best to, whatever anyone else does...

not that I'm perfect or anything (wink, nod, aye?)...


update: she did (edit my comment again):

it is interesting that you see me as lashing out, because I am. Thank you for editing my comment above, and I suppose you will do the same with this one. Thanks for that.

I wish you would do more to help educate poor, hateful Narrow Fucks like me.

Hope I someday see the light and join the fat rights movement

Comment by candoor (edited by Sheana) August 11, 2005


and to further prove my point, she's edited out the link to me (within minutes of my posting it), so her readers can not check out the truth about what she is doing... she's posted my email address so I can be SPAMmed by spiders and SPAMbots (even though her site assures would be commenter that email addresses will not be posted)... and then she blocked one of my computers from her site (of course I can access it from other computers, but it apparently was a mistake to visit the blogathoners-in-charge in the first place) to avoid honest discussion further and portray me in a negative light... all this from a few lines that actually praised her efforts amidst my 24 hour effort to support all blogathoners... in the end, a disservice to all the worthy causes and very sad reflection on the blogathon...

and just one more rambling entry in the life in black and white...






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